Compromise as a path to mealtime peace

One of the first things moms learn: You can't please everyone all the time. You probably can't even please most. Apparently, I need to absorb that lesson again and again: I keep serving up dinners hoping for a chorus of wows, then taking it personally when one (or more) diners pokes halfheartedly as his plate and sets his fork down. As I rework my approach at the start of the year, I'm looking for chances to meet the kids halfway. Well, almost halfway — there's room for compromise.

Put the kids in charge

I confess, my knee-jerk reaction would be to snap, "Fine, why don't you just make dinner yourself!" My more mature, parental response: Have a go at it, kids! Here's a cookbook — take a look, and pick out something you want for dinner this week.

Kids can't plan a meal without some guidance, of course. Take a look at the nutrition guidelines at MyPlate.gov for preschoolers and older kids, print out a MyPlate place mat, and challenge the children to come up with a reasonable meal.

It won't be anything like the kind of meal you'd plan, but that's the point. If parents smile graciously and eat a meal of plain, buttered spaghetti, white bread, and baby carrots, the kids might — might — be better sports about chicken curry with roasted Brussel sprouts. (I know not everyone is on board with MyPlate, but it isn't a bad starting point for talking nutrition with kids.)

To help kids get inspired, hand them a child-friendly cookbook. I love Mollie Katzen's Pretend Soup and Other Real Recipes, which has illustrated steps for pre-readers. The website for They Draw and Cook is a visual wonderland, and their cookbook is fun to browse (though young readers might need help with the fonts and handwriting).

Relax standards

I don't advocate buying a lot of processed junk, heating it up, and calling it nourishment. But it's emotionally healthy to let go, a little bit, and embrace some conveniences that won't kill us. Don't laugh, but it's taken me a long time to accept that steamed frozen vegetables are an OK alternative to freshly peeled, cut, seasoned, and roasted carrots.

Seriously, I'm lucky to live in a place where fresh, local vegetables are abundant year-round. But if I'm already investing time and attention in what should be a fantastic meal of chicken parmigiana, we might all be happier with steamed frozen veggies on the side rather than a cranky mama who labored over the carrots around and in between the chicken cutlets.

Delegate

Resentment is toxic. Instead of taking responsibility for everyone's satisfaction, put the responsibility back on them.

A great way to end the lunch box blues, for example, is to let your child choose what to eat. Present a menu of reasonable options, get a few suggestions from your child, and you have a plan for the week. Download and customize this menu I made for my second-grader, inspired by this menu shared at TipJunkie. Kids can even help pack their lunch. (If you have trouble with the download, drop me a note and I'll e-mail it.)

You may still chafe if your child barely touches his packed lunch, but it's no longer your burden. You're freed from guilt, second-guessing, and irritation, and instead can help your child figure out how to make a better choice next time.

Allow reasonable alternatives

Experts agree: Don't become a short-order cook for your kids. But you can give them an out if they really don't like dinner — provided you keep it reasonable.

I wrote two years ago about a genius tip to offer one simple, plain, and healthy backup choice to end mealtime battles (courtesy of It's Not About Nutrition).

My now 7-year-old is no longer interested in cottage cheese, but he can prepare a slice of buttered whole-wheat toast all on his own. I no longer offer a backup, but sometimes he'll ask: "Could I make a slice of toast? I don't really like dinner."

A slice of wheat toast isn't the best dinner, but it isn't the worst either. Best of all, he feels empowered to take care of his needs himself.

Tomorrow, some tips for facing meal prep with a good attitude. Until then: How do you stay positive in the kitchen? Do you have a favorite kids' cookbook, or a tip for managing picky eaters?

A fresh look at mealtime

I'm not one for making new year's resolutions, but the aftermath of the holiday season is a natural pause point. I'm catching my breath after the holiday fun, appreciating what’s been going well, figuring out what needs tweaking, and making a few course corrections.

Feeding my family is a central thread in that process. Nourishing my family is an act of love — or at least it should be. But it doesn't always feel that way after I've navigated the market, done all the chopping and sautéing and baking while helping with homework and mediating sibling disputes, and served a meal that more often than not gets a lukewarm response. My kids have become picky eaters, and it's been a wearing several months.

The challenges involved touch so many parenting issues for me:

• Compromise: I have yet to find a food that everyone in my family loves. Four people, four very distinct tastes. Factor in the responsibility to make sure everyone is eating healthfully, and I have almost zero chance of pleasing the whole crew at any given meal. Somehow, I have to negotiate a peaceful middle path.
• Attitude: I like cooking and I love food, but I loathe drudgery. Planning, shopping, putting away groceries, washing, peeling, chopping, cooking, packing up … too often, it feels like a chore. It doesn't help when the product of my efforts is met with indifference or even a chorus of "ew!' (Sometimes from me too.) When resentment takes hold, it feeds on itself in a vicious cycle. I don't like the way it feels, and I don't want to model that attitude for my kids.
• Balance: It's amazing how much time I can spend planning, procuring, and preparing food. And then dinner is over in a flash! I've made strides lately in budgeting my time better, and need to continue to keep myself on a short leash. 

Over the next few days, I'll share a few ideas and tools I'm using to try to meet those challenges as gracefully as possible. Some are focused on organization and simplification, others on family roles. Happily, as I sat down to clarify what I need to work on and how, I found that every potential solution to one issue also helped another.

Are you reorganizing your approach for 2012? What do you do to keep yourself sane and happy in the kitchen?

Cooking with Kids: "Snowballs" Winter Soup

Isn't it nice when something happens at random while you're cooking and leads to a surprising solution? That just happened while we were cooking with kids at school: The original plan was to cut snowflake shapes from slices of baked potatoes, add them to a very colorful vegetable soup, and play with their imagination. But the project of cutting the potatoes with the cookie cutters didn't work:  The potatoes were too mushy to allow the neat plan.

So, instead of getting disappointed, I was taken by a very fast experiment that ended up working perfectly: They mashed potatoes with their own hands and made snowballs with them. Roasted cauliflower was cut in thin slices to make the  pretend-to-be snowflakes. All was fun when the kids enjoyed throwing the "snowballs" and "snowflakes" into a pot filled with hot soup, also adding some white corn kernels. At the end of the process they were all surprised to see how the snowballs had "melted" into the soup.

The book read to inspire the kids to cook was the adorable Perfect Soup, by Lisa Moser, found in the local library by Carla, a mom and a teacher who volunteers with me in the Cooking Club at school. It's very easy reading for kindergartners and first-graders and has lots to offer to the kids. Something like the gift of sharing. Perfect to begin the new year with a good story and lots of inspiration for a new start (and more vegetables on our plate!).

Snowballs and Soup

By chance we've found that russet potatoes are good to roll the balls. Bake them in the oven or even microwave with the skin, so that the chefs can have extra work. I am still testing firmer potatoes to cut with cookie cutters. 

4 cups vegetable or chicken stock (if not homemade go for higher-quality ones from cartons, low-sodium and preferably organic)
2 cups water
1 cup tomato paste or your favorite tomato sauce
Kosher salt to taste
1 cup white corn kernels
3 baked russet potatoes, mashed with hands and shaped into "snowballs"
2 cups roasted cauliflower florets (with garlic powder and salt)
Parsley or cilantro leaves (to dress it up)
Japanese "snowflake" shape rice crackers (optional)

Heat vegetable broth and water and simmer while preparing the other ingredients. Mix in tomato paste, salt, corn, potato snowballs, and cauliflower. Continue to simmer for about 10 minutes.

Serve in a bowl and top it with cilantro and add rice crackers to add some crunch.